"Camping with the Buttercups: cliques, conflicts, and changes through challenge"by Christine KijowskiThis time, however, I had to be more organized. So, as with all good plans, I didn't exactly follow mine. Let me explain. Karen invited me to work with her group when she found out I was doing a project. Karen and the other leader, also a Mom of two of the girl scouts in the troop, had been trying to talk with the girls about some problems that had arisen concerning cliques, personality conflicts, and the fact that some girls were being ostracized by the rest of the group. The leader's daughters had confided in them that they wanted to be friends with everyone, but that when they tried their other friends in the group would start to treat them badly, and they were afraid that they would be next if they didn't get along. I could hardly believe it! There was a little bit of this going on last summer on the trip, but no more than is usual for 10 and 11 year old girls. I made my plans based on what Karen and the other leader had talked about and on what I experienced last summer with their group. The addition of a few more new members changed the entire dynamic. The new girls were of various ages and one girl was learning disabled. Two were sisters and they stuck together like glue -- who could blame them. I met them at the camp Friday evening. They were very excited about getting to stay in the brand new "Friendship" building. After things settled down a bit, I started with my Challenge by Choice Agreement. I incorporated some of the Girl Scout pledge and law into the contract. The troop had also made a weekend rules board the previous week, so I piggybacked off of that as well. I emphasized the need to take extra care of each other's physical and emotional safety. "Keep bodies safe and keep each other's feelings safe." So far, so good. Then we played the circle name game. I explained that we all needed to work together to complete the task without dropping the items. The first time through, one of the "cool" girls threw the ball at the learning disabled girl's feet as hard as she could so that it was impossible to catch. Then she sighed and laughed at the girl that missed. A few of the other girls laughed uncomfortably. I calmly stopped the game. I asked them if they felt the contract was being followed and if they thought they could make the game work. The smallest girl there spoke up and said that she just wanted to have fun and get to play the games with everyone, and that she thought it would be good if everyone tried to make sure they threw the toy to the other person's hands. She opened the door for the others. Three other girls spoke up and softly fixed the problem. One suggested that the girl who threw the item so hard should go last so that she could see the best way to throw the ball so it would be catchable. Another girl asked if she could be first -- she threw to the girl who missed, and she threw it to her perfectly. I was very relieved. We tried again and added five more objects, and they did it. You would have thought they won the World Series. The debrief was short and sweet, "We did good when we tried to make it better for others." They all agreed. It was a tough start, but I felt it was time to move on. I added a quick partner hop, small group hop, and an all group hop before I went on to my next planned event. I did this to make sure they were willing to work safely with partners. They were, but only chose certain partners. Time to stop again. I explained that one of the goals that we mentioned earlier and that they had on their weekend rules board was to get along with everyone. I challenged then to try to pick a different partner for each activity to see how long it would take before you had to "repeat a partner". They even suggested that this included who you sat by at mealtime. It was time to whoopi do -- the adults demonstrated this crazy game (you put a nylon on your head that had a soft toy on the end and you swing it around until you connect with your partner). They cracked up and did a great job of choosing different partners. I thought they were ready for a trust activity. The trust activity I chose was Three Blind Mice (you make a maze and one or two people lead the "blind" mouse through the maze). A couple of the girls started purposely: they let their person bump into the mats and walked faster than their mouse wanted. I spoke to the pairs that I saw doing those things, but decided that it should be a group matter. Again, I stopped the activity. I was afraid that the program was becoming too school like, but I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I asked the group if they wanted to continue with teambuilding games and if so, were they willing to follow the guidelines already set by the group. I also offered to finish up another time and they could do other activities that night. The first who spoke up -- the one that threw the toy at the other little girl girl earlier that night -- said, "I want to keep going. We need to get better at this stuff." They agreed that letting their partners bump into the mats and going too fast did not keep their bodies or their feelings safe. I asked who felt safe with their partners and what their partners did to help them feel safe. We tried again. They were great. When I asked who felt safe the second time, they all said that they did. I explained the first part of willow in the wind and how important it was to be trustworthy and trust. They talked about the ways that trust and responsibility occur in their families. I went first in the hopes that others would be brave enought to try. I must admit, after what the group went through, I was a little nervous. They all took it very seriously, and I think I had 20 hands up at all times! One of the girls yelled out as I went around and came to her, "Whoa, she totally trusts us, and she's way heavy!" I took that as a compliment. We tried to work in shifts. Nine or ten kids were in the circle at a time. The others would jump in and switch with someone very few turns or so. I then noticed that two of the girls just walked away from the group and hung out in the connecting room. I resisted calling them back and just continued until everyone had a turn. I then asked if anyone would like to try the second part of wind in the willows. I had lots of volunteers. They did a great job talking with each each other and reminding each other about the safe way to lift and be gentle. The best part of the activity was that they made up a little chant to smoothly move the person for the swaying. They took control of the debriefing "talking stick". After all the debriefing we had been through, I figured that they had the process down. They even started presenting the questions. The final challenge was River Crossing. The girls took it upon themselves to make the other two girls come back to the group. I asked the girls who left the group why they had left. One just shrugged her shoulders; the other said that she was bored. I decided to leave it at that. I asked the group -- including the two girls -- if they agreed to all stay involved until the end of the next game. I set them up and told them a crazy story to get their immaginations going and to lighten the mood. They talked and listened, tried ideas, worked together, and they all stayed until the end. They had fun. They even asked if they could play again. The debriefing went well. They talked about how they went from being with the same partner and being less conscientious about taking care of each other; they talked about being partners with everyone and letting people pick you up when your eyes are closed. We also talked about how the way you look at people can also hurt their feelings. A couple of the girls still had "attitude" faces. However, the rest of them seemed to feel that they were going to be nice, no matter what the "cool" kids did. I had to leave that night, but my sister said that the next day the girls mixed themselves up more for a scavenger hunt, and when they exchanged friendship bracelets there were no moans and groans about who made the one they picked. That night, they had a talking circle, and each one was able to say something positive about another girl. One girl, who had been cliquish in the past, made a point of saying something nice to every girl. I am sure that the group will still have to struggle through some personality conflicts and cliques, but I hope that we got them to stop and think about some of the group goals. My sister loved it and is going to try to do some type of team activity at their meetings. Karen is already sold on the idea of a talking stick. I wish I could have stayed for the whole weekend so that we could have spread the activities out a bit more and the kids would have had a little more time to think about the debrief discussions. It was also tough to have serious discussions on the first night when they were so wound up about being at camp. I think I should have done more communication activities to get them better prepared for the trust activities. |